Month: August 2009

It appears that many people, nay most people collect something. I’m not sure why. I was “eavesdropping” on a conversation on a message board; these charming ladies were talking about buttons. One lady had her Grandmother’s button box, or button tin – whatever. Now I can understand, perhaps, why her beloved Nana’s button tin would have some meaning. Another lady chimed in that you had just scored a button tin at a yard sale and was looking forward to sorting thru the buttons. It’s not that she is going to make something out of the buttons, I guess it is just the idea of the buttons – I don’t know.

It’s not the buttons per se that has me scratching my head but the idea of amassing a bunch of stuff in a particular category. Some of the categories are odd and some are profitable – I can understand profitable. I just can’t imagine having an attachment to stuff, often old stuff that belonged to some unknown person. Even if it belonged to a known person, family or famous, it’s somebody else’s stuff. And it’s old.

I get keeping things that have a very personal meaning, like Nana’s button box. I have letters my brother wrote me. I take them out occasionally and read them – my brother is a funny, funny guy. I keep dragging boxes of books around with me – why? I just can’t stand the thought of throwing out a book. Some of these books are 40 year old paperbacks – they are worthless and I’m not gonna re-read them. A few weeks ago I decided to re-read all the J.D. Salinger books. Mine were paperbacks. When I opened one the pages literally disintegrated in my hands. (P.S. and by the way – Holden Caulfield is a bore). I have shelves of similar books. I’m not a book collector.

I do like photos – old photos of people, preferably in black and white. I’ve never bought any, never will, but I do like to look at them. I could get a book of them LOL

I’ve never liked “all” of anything. Some folks do -whether it’s a particular musical genre or a particular singer or artist or – you get the idea . I don’t understand that either. No one’s creative out-put is 100% wonderful. And I’ve never gone ga-ga over anything or anyone. I’m not the ga-ga type. I can like something a lot but I’ve learned that my enthusiasm has a limited shelf life. It appears there is always something new to be enthusiastic about. Maybe that’s why I don’t collect things – limited attention span.

I am passionate about ideas.

Have you noticed how often this sentence is used lately. I think it’s supposed to be comforting in some way; that God or Fate or Karma has brought you to this place not your own actions – good or bad. That you are in a place where you are fulfilling your destiny – good or bad.

If where I am now is where I’m supposed to be then someone please tell me who the hell I pissed off. Oh, am I supposed to be learning some life lesson? Yeah, I have learned a life lesson, yet again I have learned that NO is a really useful word. I should use it much more often. Okay, hind sight is 20/20 – what do I do now?

I am where I am because of my own actions and some new-agey guru is going to tell me that’s because I still have lessons to learn in life – yeah, well if I have to learn any more life lessons can I just get the text book and skip the field trip?

There are a lot of people who are in dire straits – you think it’s comforting to them to hear “You are where you are supposed to be”? I think probably not.

Perhaps I am misinterpreting the meaning of this sentence. But I don’t find it comforting in any way. I am personally responsible for my situation, MY bad decision. What of people who were adversely affected by the financial debacle? What life lesson are they learning – don’t put your money in a bank? Good one, hugely helpful. Don’t invest your money with a well regarded brokerage company? Another good lesson. All of these people are experiencing the effects of their karma? I don’t think so.

You can invent as many explanations of this concept as you, and they are all self-serving. I think it needs to be retired from the rhetoric of the righteous. It’s been used so often it no longer has any meaning, if indeed it ever did.

I am not supposed to be anywhere in particular. I am where my choices took me. I know the reasons for the choices I have made – I know where my stupidity comes from. Please don’t tell me my choices were directed by fate or karma or destiny or whatever ooga-booga you’re selling – I’m not buying it.

“You are where you are supposed to be” puts me in mind of that “soul mate” tripe, and tripe makes me barf.

The only thing standing in the way of the recession receding is the consumer. People are just not consuming enough. Did you know consumer spending drives two-thirds of the nation’s economy?

In other stories the labor market is still weak but many areas are reporting fewer jobs lost. Really? How many jobs are left to lose? How many people can be laid off before everything comes to a grinding halt. Of course there is a decrease in newly unemployed, there’s no one left to fire. Jeeze!

Now if only all those unemployed people will just go out and spend money they don’t have on stuff they don’t need, keeping in mind they can’t afford the things they DO need like food and shelter, well hell, this whole economic mess would just turn itself right around.

Seems like a catch-22 doesn’t it? The economy will recover if people will just spend more but they can’t because they don’t have jobs or money because…you see where that’s going right?

I read the business section first and wind up spitting up my coffee as I laugh – derisively. Once I’ve moved on to the comics I can safely eat breakfast knowing that choking on my outrage is no longer a danger.

Don’t you love how all of these banker and brokers are still getting their multi-million dollar bonuses? Oh wait, it was in the contract that was signed before the government said they couldn’t. Yeah, right. And those retention bonuses? I loved that whole concept, didn’t you? Why are we (yes, WE) paying to retain people who couldn’t do their jobs right the first time around? Retain them – where the hell are they going to go? Offer them a cut in pay, tell them if they don’t like it, they can go elsewhere. Oh, wait there is no elsewhere.

Which turnip truck do these people think we all fell off of?

Mellow is not my mood of choice. I like feeling more energetic; more revved up about something – anything. I’m having a problem getting pissed off for more than a fleeting moment. Ask me about my husband’s experiences with doctors lately – oh, never mind, doctors are assholes, let’s move on. See what I mean, the whole doctor thing is usually good for a nice get-the-blood-flowing vent.

I think I have been out of the house once in the last 2 weeks – it has been hot and humid and the furthest I have ventured is 3 blocks. The a/c has been running non-stop and I have the mother of all headaches. I should be a lot more stir crazy, maybe I’ve gone past it. I am becoming a hermit and not feeling too bad about it. Mind you, I am not depressed, just inert or just mellow or just “oh, okay – that’s life” Pah!

I’d rather be anxious and edgy. I’d rather be ranting and raving about something. I’d rather be pissed off – mellow does not become me.

Another tiny rant about folks who natter on about the “good old days” – I HATE that. First, reminiscing should only be done with people who experienced the same thing you did; the people who were actually there with you. I truly do not care what your life, as a 9 year old in 1955 was like, mine was different – I don’t relate, really I don’t.

I’m not crazy about the good old days because they weren’t. Economics aside, NOW is just terrific by me. These folks complain about kids today, well the kids today are being raised by the previous generation who were raised by – Oh! the people who are complaining. Why do they not see their part in the state of the world today? Step up and take the responsibility.

Then of course there is always the “I’m not old” bit. New Flash – Yes, you are! And given that, what is the deal with “I’m the same person I always was, just older” God, I hope not. Not only would I NOT like to be 25 again, I sure as hell don’t want to be the person I WAS at age 25. Looking back, I wonder that anyone, anywhere, would have anything to do with me whan I was 25. Arrogant, yet insecure, asshole that I was. Ewww.

I’m not sure that 62, soon to be 63, is considered “old”. It certainly is close. Nowadays, with the advances in medicine and healthier life styles, I’m thinking 75 is the new old. I am older and I sure as hell am better. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally – way better. Super duper better. I’m proud of being older and wiser. I earned it and I wear it and I own it.

Yesterday is so over. Time and time again I have said “the past is a nice place to visit but I don’t want to live there”. Not only that I don’t want to visit YOUR past, I wasn’t there, it don’t mean dip to me. And to be honest, by all your accounts, it wasn’t all that interesting either.

Here’s to today. And more importantly, tomorrow. Lordy, lord but I am all about tomorrow. That’s where the fun is. I’m half way through today, dealing with it, rolling with it, enjoying it, which ever is appropriate but tomorrow? Oh, hey, I am crazy about tomorrow.

Still so much to learn, still surprises, still hopes and dreams and plans…still a lot of life to write…I am still evolving, not young but not finished, standing on a solid foundation of experience, yesterdays are stepping stones to tomorrow which is still Unwritten…

Somebody is lying – big time. If every religion says that they are the one true religion and their god is the one true god, someone has to be lying. If all these religious books are the word of their particular god then why does the meaning keep changing. Why is the supposedly inviolate word of that particular god subject to change and interpretation of mere, flawed mortals? If god is always talking to people why does he/she/it say different things to different people? If there can be only one truth, then how come every belief system has a different “truth”? Somebody has something wrong somewhere. I don’t want to debate this with anyone. You’re entitled to believe as you wish, just as I am entitled to believe as I wish but what we aren’t entitled to is shoving our beliefs down someone else’s throat.

So that’s what’s been rattling around my head today…