I need to feel more anxious

Mellow is not my mood of choice. I like feeling more energetic; more revved up about something – anything. I’m having a problem getting pissed off for more than a fleeting moment. Ask me about my husband’s experiences with doctors lately – oh, never mind, doctors are assholes, let’s move on. See what I mean, the whole doctor thing is usually good for a nice get-the-blood-flowing vent.

I think I have been out of the house once in the last 2 weeks – it has been hot and humid and the furthest I have ventured is 3 blocks. The a/c has been running non-stop and I have the mother of all headaches. I should be a lot more stir crazy, maybe I’ve gone past it. I am becoming a hermit and not feeling too bad about it. Mind you, I am not depressed, just inert or just mellow or just “oh, okay – that’s life” Pah!

I’d rather be anxious and edgy. I’d rather be ranting and raving about something. I’d rather be pissed off – mellow does not become me.

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