I don’t get the allure of roof-top decks. I don’t care how plush or fancy they are – it’s the bloody roof you’re sitting on – Why? Are you practicing to become Santa Claus? Oh, it’s the view – like what – the tops of other buildings?

Usually the way to access these roof-top decks is narrow spiral staircases, or ladders or some such ridiculous method of ascent. Going up sober is a challenge, imagine coming down not so sober. Oh yes, let’s all party-hearty on the roof – falling off a bar stool is nothing compared to falling off a roof. Stupid idea…

Then there are fireplaces. Oh so terribly romantic! Umm – no. Does your insurance company know that your are building fires INSIDE your house, on purpose? Why would you want to do that? It’s crazy stuff. The stove is the most fire I want in my house.

And be honest, it’s hardly the most efficient heating system. I grew up in a house with a fireplace. And we did use it for heat because we were poor and running the oil furnace was too expensive. Of course the only one who got any benefit from the fireplace was the dog – he parked himself in front of it and wouldn’t let anyone else get close. It was a big drafty house – so the fireplace was no better at heating the house than a lit match would have been.

I don’t get the romantic part – fire scares the bejabbers out of me…Oh yeah, kiss-kiss, snuggle-snuggle – PUT OUT THAT DAMN FIRE BEFORE THE WHOLE PLACE GOES UP IN FLAMES AND WE DIE!