My ineptitude is amusing

except when it is frustrating.

I’ve often stated that I have no domestic skills (or artistic ones, for that matter). Since Wednesday afternoon I’ve been fighting with curtains (again!). Taking out seams, then re-hemming, lace curtains. Lace! By hand! I need a needle threader to thread the needle threader.

Four 60″ wide lace panels and to be deconstructed then re-constructed – by hand. I worked on them for about 3 hours on Wednesday and then another 3 hours today, then washed them along with the existing curtains; then washed the windows, then put them back up.

While I was contemplating this chore, having done it once already, I thought I should just buy a small sewing machine and then I remembered, I don’t know how to operate one. I also remembered that the last time I had an encounter with a sewing machine I was stymied by the bobbins – didn’t know how to make one (does one ‘make’ a bobbin? All I know is it is a little round thing with thread that goes somewhere underneath where the needle goes in and out.)

It’s not that I wasn’t taught how to sew, knit, crochet, it’s that a.) I wasn’t good at it and b.) I had no interest in it. I have little patience for repetitive tasks. And I just wasn’t interested. Twice I was forced to complete a sewing project – back in the day they actually made you learn to sew and cook in grammar school. Cooking class was okay, if stupid because by the time we had cooking classes in 8th grade I had been cooking for a family of 5 for several years. I nearly barfed when we made English muffin pizzas (anyone old enough to remember those?) I gave the cooking teacher grief over that you can be sure.

I used to know all about gardening too, can you believe that? I knew which plants required which kind of fertilizer, when each different plant/shrub had to be pruned and all that happy horse manure (and yes, horse manure is basically for lawns, not flowers.) I wasn’t really interested in gardening, it was one of my chores during my time as an indentured servant.

Technically I know how to do all these things, home repairs too – but actually doing them – Ahhh – not so much.

While I hate cooking, I’m not bad at it, as long as I keep it simple. Like tonight – we are having a salad with grilled chicken. Salad part is Bibb lettuce, fresh mozzarella, tomato, green olives, kalamata olives, and stuffed grape leaves. The chicken has been marinating in olive oil, white wine, balsamic vinegar, chili lime powder, garlic powder and 21 seasoning salute (it’s a Trader Joe’s spice mixture). I’m thinking that is going to be some speecy-spicy chicken.

I can bake – but I keep that simple too – tho I tweaked all the classic recipes so they are just a little bit different.

I’ve spent the last two days being all domestic – totally inept, but I got it done, half-ass and badly, but done!

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