No spirit, none at all

 I’ve never been a Christmas person but in years past I made a little bit of an effort – and in the last 20 years that effort has been very little indeed. This year – no effort at all. It just doesn’t mean anything to me. 

My husband and I had a long conversation about all the holiday bruh-ha-ha at Thanksgiving and he said it is all meaningless to me him too. He said he used to love Christmas but hasn’t given it much thought in years. I reminded him that he had children and most folks “do” Christmas for their kids. 

Actually the only time, since reaching adulthood, that I did anything for Christmas was when I was living with someone – I did it for them I guess. Or they wanted a tree and all that stuff. When I lived alone I never gave it a thought except for presents for other people. Some years I spent Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day with Jewish friends so – Chinese food and a movie. 

I used to get all excited about making Christmas cards, sometimes I was planning and designing them in October. This year? Not an idea in my head. Zero motivation. And I can’t say it has anything to do with the the virus lockdown – that has had no significant impact on us at all. We’ve been living in social isolation for the past 8 years – in the early days we had a problem with getting food but that sorted itself out after a a few months. Our lives have not changed at all other than wearing a mask when we go out once a week to the grocery store. Not changed a whit. Same old, same old. 

I have a few decorations and my Charlie Brown Christmas tree and they are in the closet and will stay there, I mean, what is the point? Plus, aside from the bell wreath which I usually hang on the (inside) door of the apartment, I have no place to put out tchotkes – Christmas or otherwise. I have a dining table, 2 very small end tables near my husband’s chair and a narrow 2 shelf thingy near the door that holds a bowl with my keys, laundry card, glasses, hand sanitizer and masks. That’s it, that’s all the space I have. The window sills are very narrow and besides the curtains cover them – it’s a good thing I’m not a collector of ‘stuff ‘because there is no where to put ‘stuff’ except in the closets, of which I have many and they are mostly empty. 

I just can’t care. I just don’t care. I can’t think of a reason TO care. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to care about. 

I send people presents when I think they might need a little pick-me-up or when I see something that is just perfect for them. I give to charities throughout the year, when I do the bookkeeping and see that there are a few extra pesos I can spare for someone else. 

What else? What is the driving force of Christmas anyway? Giving? Okay, I do my giving all year long. 

I’m happy for other people to be happy – And I do love all the “Ohh, shiny!”

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