Periodically I go

through a phase where I withdraw.

 I have very limited interactions with the world in real life, which is why this whole lock-down, virus isolation thing has had no affect on me. The only friends I have are internet friends, the only contact I have with the outside world is via the internet so that is what I am withdrawing from – at least in the limited way I have been involved thus far.

I’ve never been one for FB participation or Twitter or even Instagram. Over the years with FB I have deleted my account, changed my name and identity and acquired and then deleted ‘friends’. I currently have something like 12 ‘friends’, at my max involvement I think it was 37 (ok, that’s an odd number to pull out of the air). 

A kabillion years ago when I started blogging I had more readers and commenters and more involvement in the blogging world – now I have few readers, few commentators and I don’t think there really is a blogging community. 

I’m not complaining, not really, because any loss of  interaction is my, what shall we call it, fault? I have changed my blog name, url, platform so many, many times over the years. always looking for something new, more fun, a different identity. 

Some personas I outgrew, like Dragonsalley. I’ve had a thing about dragons since I was a child and now, and for sometime, they don’t have a place in my world, real or imagined. I don’t relate to them anymore. 

I’m still loving Margot Flutterby and I wish I had the guts to be her but I’m already an outlier and Margot is so far out there and totally unrelatable to anyone except me. 

I used to post a link to blog posts on FB, I won’t be doing that anymore. I used to post photos on Instagram of my cat, but she’s gone. Maybe I’ll take one photo a day of something or other and post that on Instagram. What I like about IG is that one doesn’t really have so spend much time with it – and what I don’t like about IG is that one doesn’t really have to spend much time with it. There is no conversation, no discussions and lord knows I love me a good discussion.

Actually there is no discussion anywhere on the interwebz anymore – blog comments used to be a real pleasure – now the only comments that are welcome are agreeable ones – don’t dare offer a different opinion or another POV, it’s their blog after all and if you want to have an opinion then start your own blog. So much for a discussion. 

Sometimes I’ve gotten annoyed, not publicly, when people comment on aspects of a post that were of the least importance, but I realize that people comment on what they can relate to. I think “No one got my point”. Well, maybe they did and they just don’t care LOL 

Anyway, I’ve never written to educate others but rather to educate myself, mostly about myself. I can sometimes step back and look at who I’ve been and be interested, or confused, about who I was, or am, and how I got this way. 

One of the dead horses I continue to beat is that I’ve yet to come across someone like me. Why am I always looking for someone like me? A yearning to belong? As much as I am inured to not belonging anywhere I think the desire, even need to belong, is an essential one. Does anyone really want to be the lone ranger? 


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