and/or, by definition, offended: dictionary meaning: “adjective – resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.” There is also offensive as in, dictionary meaning: “causing someone to feel deeply hurt, upset, or angry.” Which is not to say I am incapable of being annoyed, upset or angry – I easily, and often, feel those but not on a personal basis.
You can call me by a derogatory term/word which will say more about you than me. So – you’ve just showed yourself up for what/who you are. It’s no skin off my nose.
You can comment on my appearance – and again, if true, then five will get you ten I already know it. If not true – ask me if I care what you think.
Attribute to me some quality that is less than admirable – and again, we are in the ‘if true I know it, it not, your opinion doesn’t matter to me” territory.
Now this was not true when I was young(er) – just ask Jimmy Quirk.
So – being called fat? Yup, you got that right – and? Do you think I don’t have a mirror or that I don’t know my pants are size XL?
Being called a cold-hearted bitch? I can be when it’s warranted, I have been, but in general, no. If you think so, you don’t know me very well and I doubt you will ever get the chance. Your loss; ho-hum; fluff off.
You see where I’m going with this, right? I don’t need to give you anymore examples.
Also – the notion about being non-judgemental. Hmm – I don’t think anyone is – not if they are being truthful. Making assumptions based on superficial information is gonna happen – to all of us, a lot of the time. Don’t lie! Whether your assumption and/or judginess falls into the negative category – that’s a whole nuther ball of wax. I’m trying to think of a somewhat innocuous example and I’m hard pressed.
Ok, I’ll give you that we are not always judgemental, in a negative way, based on superficial information – some things just don’t register with some people. But, yes, we do react to most things we see or hear. It might be a positive reaction, or a negative reaction and we might make further assumptions based on that. Or not, if it’s not that interesting to us.
As in – I notice hair, hair-dos, hair styles, howsomever you want to call it. When I see a hairstyle that I find particularly fetching I spontaneously blurt out “I love your hair!” I can honestly say I don’t take much notice of the person beneath the hair. I don’t know what that says about me – good or bad. On the other hand, if what has caught my attention is that the hairstyle is not particularly well done, I certainly don’t say anything and I’m still not noticing the person underneath. But I’m probably thinking “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
Funny example of that – we were watching a show the other night, the action was mostly in Antwerp, Belgium and having seen several episodes I finally shouted at the tv – “Does no one in that city own a comb?” I shout a lot of things at the tv that I wouldn’t say in any other circumstance. Also as in – “Oh, please someone throw that girl a sandwich”. Or – “You are too stupid to live” – I say that a lot while watching the news.
As always, I have no idea where this is going but I think I’m done for the moment. What’s even more interesting, to me, is what precipitated this little meander through my thoughts. BTW- the linked phrases? They’re idioms, and don’t we all just love idioms!
Subject to Change Without Notice 
This was fun to read. One name caught my attention, though. I do not know Jimmy Quirk, but my late mother-in-law, Helen Prout, was a Knapp from upper Harlem and her mother was Stephanie Quirk. Ancient history, for Helen was born in 1902.
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Some of it was amusing, it was meant to be serious but I think I'm incapable of that. Jimmy Quirk story – that is serious – He sat in front of me in 8th grade. He was constantly whispering over his shoulder comments that included the words “guinea, wop, greaseball” etc. One day I had enough. I jumped up from my seat, stabbed him in the arm with my protractor, yelling “Shut up” Mrs. Berryman asked for an explanation, which I gave her. I still got 5 demerits noted on her desk calendar. At the end of the day Mrs. Berryman called me up to the front of the room and told me to throw away the current page on her calendar.
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I enjoyed this post! Up until pretty recently I had thin skin when it came to what people said to or about me but now and give zerofcks – from the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck by Mark Manson. As you say, it's all about whoever said it not me so I don't care! I read above your story of Jimmy Quick and I had a Matt Sivisind in 11th grade that did stuff like that to me. Broke me back then but now I wish I could stab him with a protractor!
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I still will feel hurt or angry if people cast aspersions on my character that I know are untrue – but not for long. You have to take into consideration where the comments are coming from. Comments about my appearance – well, that's just laughable, which is what I usually do. Responding to those kind of comments with “And?” really shuts them up fast. Or “This is any of your business – why?” I was a bit of a hot-head when I was a kid. Took a lot to set me off but when I went off I really WENT OFF.
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Oh so true, I either already know it or I don't care what they think. I'm actually not a well liked person at work and most people dislike me based on opinions of what others have told them about me. I make no attempt to correct this. I lose no sleep over the fact that something thinks I'm a bitch. For some reason I read the name Jimmy Quirk as Jiminy Cricket.
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At one job I had I was called the “Ice Queen” , I didn't know that until after I had left. I have no social interactions so I don't know what people think of me, right or wrong, tho I'm sure there are former acquaintances and family members who might have a thing or two to say – and I don't care, they're wrong and that's why they are 'former'. No matter how much we protest there is a part of us that wants to be liked and well thought of but we reach a point where it doesn't really touch us much when they don't. We get older and wiser and know our worth.
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I like being retired and at least the one aspect of aging–I'm not longer “in the game,” and most of this stuff doesn't concern me. My favorite example is the rush hour. It's almost comical watching the aggressive, competitive driving when I can just cruise along and enjoy the view. That, and after all these years, I recognize and accept the fact that not everyone likes my looks or my demeanor.
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Indeed, with age comes wisdom – for some people, on some subjects. Some folks just dig in…
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Very good point. What shall our strategy be for growing old? Freedom, or fear and dug-in stubbornness?
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If I had a like button I would give your comment a 'thumbs up'
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I think it is in our nature to be judgemental whether we mean to be or not. I try very hard not to be, but it's unnavoidable. If l do pass a judgement, l do mentally kick my own ass and say pack that in mate you are so where near perfect! I find it easier to not worry about it l have found the answer is to basically not give a shit about anything. This means not that l don't care about things l do, but it means more that it doesn't really make any difference. I have changed significantly in the last three months alone. The whole 'fuck it – nuke us already or shut up – is my overall attitude, life has just become way too damn short to really care, judgement therefore doesn't visit anymore, because l quite frankly don't give a hoot.
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Mm, this replying has changed, sorry Grace – it's me Rory, l was waiting for the grid of 9 images to appear, and they didn't.
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That's because I don't have the captcha or whatever it's called activated – and yet – shows up!
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Your asperger's may have you looking at people differently than those folks who do not have aspergers – my husband barely registers people as male and female much less fat or thin, black or white and has no expectations of them whatever they are. If ever there was a non-judgemental person my husband is it – oh, except when it comes to intelligence but that judgement is usually more fact based rather than bias.
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I think my captcha is activated although I have gone in and made sure it is OFF. Google knows best, apparently.
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I couldn't find any specific place to turn it off (or on) but I don't require comments to be moderated and I don't have any limits on who can comment.
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That particular setting is under “design,” –> “settings” –> “comments,” –> “reader comment captcha.” For what it's worth. I get it when commenting on my own blog, but not on yours. Who knows. People say it depends on your browser. Typical algorithm driven mystery.
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Yesh, I have that turned off. But this is under the Publish button “This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.” Also my comments are set to 'embedded'. I just discovered that in the space of say 2 hours I can no longer comment on my blog as myself on my iPad, my desktop is fine, and yes I am signed in on the iPad. This shit makes me crazy.
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