It's 6am and

Published on by Grace

 I’ve been up since 3:45am. Sunday night I didn’t sleep all that well or all that much and last night I figure I clocked about 5 hours of sleep. I should feel way more tired than I do. 

But – I look like I haven’t slept – I have circles under my eyes down to my chin. Looking in a mirror is down right scary. 

I started writing about something that’s been on mind and as I saw the words on the screen I realized how absurd it sounded – perhaps that was the point I was making – the absurdity of thinking what I was thinking.

(So I deleted it and yet here I am continuing on in a similar vein.)

I have to keep reminding myself of that. My initial reaction to everything is MY reaction and therefore I need to keep my mouth shut. Outbursts of “What the hell is wrong with you?” need to be kept safely tucked away in my mind – silent screaming is the only screaming I should do. 

Except at home. My husband is the only one who I can trust to hear my outrages at what I see, hear, read. Sometimes he laughs and sometimes he just shakes his head in disbelief of my self-centeredness – that I think that everyone has the same values that I do. That I seem to think that everyone interprets common life experiences the same way I do. 

A part of me knows that’s wrong. The intellectual part of me. The emotional part of me is more than a little naive. And it’s the emotional reaction that always comes first. To just about everything. And the emotional reaction is who I am. But isn’t that true of everyone? 

And there it is again – everyone is like me and I am like everyone. 

That’s all very vague, isn’t it? And I’m going in circles here. And I know I am not making my point.

Or do I even have a point.

I live too much inside my head. 

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13 thoughts on “It's 6am and”

  1. I figure emotional responses are going to happen, but the key is being able to rein them in as needed. The guinea pigs don't mind being on the receiving end.

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  2. Unless it is a practical topic/question my first reaction is pretty much always from the feeling part of my brain rather than the thinking part.

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  3. If only I could learn to keep my mouth shut about my initial reactions to things that happen throughout the day. I seem to have a problem with that.

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  4. Since I interact with no living beings aside from my husband, I have to be wary of writing my reactions. Probably why I don't comment much on any blogs anymore…

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  5. I have a similar problem in that I expect folks to care as much as I do and I am always left disappywhen they don’t reciprocate the level of effort I put forth. It is hard not to react emotionally because we are emotional beings. The capability to process emotion is what makes us inherently human and not still a primate. I for one am never offended when someone’s reaction is emotional especially when they follow it up with sound rationale and critical thinking, even if it comes later. It is how I raise my kids, it’s okay to have big feelings and sometimes we cannot controlThem, the important thing is to acknowledge them and how they may have been mistakenly perceived and talk about it, sometimes later, when clearer heads prevail. My point? Don’t be ashamed of being who you are and reacting as you do, it is what makes you.. You! It shows you care. Without emotions we are lifeless and cold hearted. – Lisa

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  6. You should have been at my breakfast table this morning as I read the newspaper – my blood pressure is through the roof – Some things I simply can't be rational about – there was a lot of “What the hell is wrong with people” this morning.

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  7. It's Thursday now, hope you caught up on sleep. Your wordpress said it was defunct or something, so I have once again bookmarked Blogger Just Tawkin because I can't be missing anything you say 🙂 -Melissa

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  8. Yeah I deleted the WP blog – I wasn't getting any 'play' over there, most people who read my blog on a regular basis are more comfortable with Blogger, and since I was double posting – I said “WTH” no point in fighting with WP when Blogger is so much easier. So I am here only.

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  12. No skin off my bones, it's easy enough to keep your site bookmarked on my phone and check it every few days 😉 -Melissa

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