That’s the age old question…

Nature or Nurture?

Am I by nature a loner? I really think I am. I don’t crave the togetherness many people seem to put a premium on. I have no concept of family. I have always been happiest, and healthiest, when I lived alone.

I know I bitch and moan about living in social isolation these past 15 years or so but what I mean by that is that I go nowhere and talk to no one but my husband and that is not my preference.

I like to be out and about. I like to talk to people. Even share a meal. But then – I like to go home. Alone. Oh how I love to be home alone.

Eat what and when I want. Sleep when and how long I want. Clean when I want – basically just live my life the way I want, without having to take into consideration someone else’s preferences.  Especially when they are diametrically opposed to mine.

Why in hell I ever got married is beyond me. Especially after having lived with men several times in what we shall call a romantic relationship, and being unhappy with that set-up,

Could be I am just a selfish self-centered person. Perhaps I am just pig-headed and reluctant to compromise. Could be I am a loner, happiest on my own, doing my own thing.

The nature-nurture thing. My younger brother has spent his entire life looking for a family. He has glommed on to any family he could find – his friend’s, his girlfriend’s, his wives. I sometimes think he chose friends/girlfriends/wives based on their families not on them as individuals.

We grew up in the same dysfunctional family, yet I have never had any desire to be part of a ‘family’ and my brother wants nothing more.

I suppose if I did some deep diving in my psyche I might get a better handle on whether my “I want to be alone”ness is nature or nurture. But I really don’t want to.

I just want to be alone.

6 thoughts on “That’s the age old question…

    1. Some folks can’t be alone. Some folks just are ‘group’ people (I guess). Some folks are ‘family’ oriented and partner oriented. I’m not like any of those people.

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    1. Huh- I need to expand on this a bit. I NEED to LIVE ALONE. Home alone – a total necessity. But I need to be out in the world amongst people but not with them. Crowds bring on anxiety attacks but not being around people results in a flatness in my own energy.

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      1. It’s hard to balance.

        I have Suze in my life and as much as l love her being here when she is visiting friends and staying overnight l relish the alone time. I lived for years with just my two dogs and away from people and in many senses of the word was a hermit and l loved it – l didn’t miss people.

        I get fucked off with people these days more than l love their company, l like being able to walk and see people, but l would be happy if everyone dropped off the planet – as said it can be hard to balance.

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