Just ask us…

Published on by Grace

At 76 I’m at the younger end of being the oldest generation. There are still some left from my parents generation. My own mother died two years ago at the age of 103 1/2.  Were it not for Covid she’d probably still be alive. Not lucid, a body with no mind, but still alive and breathing.

In my experience, which is the only place I can speak from, we didn’t ask our parents and grandparents, especially us second generation immigrant children, what life was like in the ‘old country’. We didn’t even ask what it was like in the new country. When you are young these things don’t occur to you. Or, they didn’t occur to us. 

Plus in those times children were neither seen nor heard. Children were banished to other rooms while the adults talked. Whenever family history or gossip or matters of importance or the day to day bitching about life was talked about children were not allowed. Yes, as we got older, teenage, we overheard more but never really dared to ask. If we did we were told it was none of our business, not important, fobbed off with some crazy fairy tale they made up. Oh my, the lies they told.

Whenever a doctor asks about my family medical history I have to tell them I don’t know. No one ever said, I never asked. Whatever I know about my family, my parents, grandparents, what their lives were like, even what they died of – all of it is hearsay or lies.

Oh yes there were stories told around the dinner table, many I’ve learned were  just stories, or lies.  Some made up out of whole cloth, some prettied up because the truth was not. No one spoke of hopes, dreams, aspirations,  disappointments or even hard times. Looking back one would think that life was just grand from the moment they were born.

I wonder if people my age have shared with their children what they know – of life. Of the history they were a part of, what life was like for people ‘back then’ because back then was over 75 years ago. A lot of history under that bridge and we lived it.

Why doesn’t anyone just ask us?

 

13 thoughts on “Just ask us…”

  1. This is such an interesting post. I never really asked my grandparents all that much about their life “back then”. My younger sister (34) is currently collecting family history. Sadly, all our grandparents died, the last one, our paternal grandmother, in 2018 at the age of 94. Thankfully though, one of my brother-in-law’s grandfathers is still alive. The purpose for my sister to collect these stories is to share them with her now still young children. I don’t have children of my own, which may be a reason I care less about my own personal family history. I do love to read blogs by older adults though.

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    1. It’s not just family history, which is important but their lives, as lived, in the times that they lived in. Ask them what their lives were like in the grand scheme of the world. What did they want to be, what were their hopes and dreams when they were young, what were the problems they faced in chasing those dreams. What are the problems you are facing in your life now, personally, work-related and I’ll bet they dealt with those same problems and feelings. Just ask us.

      P.S. I’ve been blogging for 19 years, across every platform that has ever existed LOL many of those posts are here.

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  2. i did ask my mom and my grandmother about life “back then.” my gm was hesitant to talk as i think it embarrassed her about what happened in her younger life. my mom and aunt (my uncles wife) are the ones who tell the stories. so i know a bit about my moms side of the family, but i know very little about my dads side. so, why dont people ask? that is a good question. but why are we not asking them if they want to know? i have been blogging for over 20 years. but i have learned to be a bit more anon since leaving myspace many many many years ago. it seems people are moor interested about bitching more about their current lives than talking about past times.

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    1. The thing is, what folks are bitching about now are the same things people were bitching about ‘back then’. There is nothing new under the sun, if only they would just ask us.

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  3. I know more of my parents lives because l did ask them. My father now gone and my mother 83 were/are still very bitter people. My father wrote most of his one sided history and left it to paper stories. My mother apparently doesn’t like to talk of her past because it was war torn England and not good as she was fostered out.

    I didn’t grow up with any of my natural grandparents because l lived in Auistralia and Malaysia long before l grew up in Britain. There was many hostilities between our families that asking for the salt to be passed could cause WWIII you therefore learned to read more about history if you wanted to know about life back then.

    My grandparents also didn’t want to know us and in turn we learned not to want to know about them.

    I have learned more of an elder generation personal history from my elderly neighbours who l talk to frequently – like Edward next door who is 88 this year, he has sone fascinating tales or Mildren down the road at 91 – l learn from them.

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    1. Now see that’s what I’m really getting at – the conversations you are having with Edward and Mildren. Family history is important but only to a point – for us children of immigrants family history is interesting because it is foreign (in a way.) I’ll try to explain myself better in today’s post.

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  4. I don’t recall ever really being curious about my parents/grandparents. Then again, my parents did talk about things that happened in their past.

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    1. And did they talk about who they were? What they wanted out of life and did or didn’t get it. How they dealt with the low blows of life – perhaps those very same low blows life was handing to you?

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      1. I recall my dad talking about wanting to become a catholic priest at one time. I’m certainly glad he changed his mind on that one. He actually wrote what he referred to as his memoirs and in it he talked about dealing with divorce. I suppose it was more my dad that shared his life and ups and downs more than my mother.

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        1. Now that is so interesting – did he go into any details about why he wanted to choose that path and why he decided not to? Did you get to read his memoirs? Did you get to talk to him about it? Wow, that is so fascinating. As for your Mom – women throughout history were without voices and choices – even our generation and your Mom’s. Blue collar/working class women even more so. Perhaps she felt that her life life was of no particular interest or importance. She did what was expected of her; she did what she had to do and no one was interested in her inner life or her hopes and dreams – like so many women.

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          1. If he did go into detail, I can’t recall what his reasons were. I did get to read his memoirs. I think I actually have a copy of what he typed out.

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  5. Very thought provoking post! I know more about your past than my parents’ past. Neither one say much about it although my mom has been talking more about her life as a kid lately. A long while ago she began writing down stories of her childhood and she brought her journal to me after she moved here. I admit I haven’t read it yet. One thing never talked about is my brother who was stillborn a year before I was born. I only know about him because his grave is near my grandparents’ grave so I saw it and I came across his obituary before. Nothing else has been said.

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