I’m just lucky that way…

While I was scrub-a-dubbing in the shower the other morning  my mind was swirling and  tossing with  my reaction to something I had just read. Then it coalesced into – No everybody doesn’t.

Everybody doesn’t need “Nature’ – to interact with, to be out in it. Everybody doesn’t find it soothing, or rejuvenating.

Everybody doesn’t like or need Everything.

What I’m lucky with is a strong sense of self. My psychotherapist friend commented on that aspect of me. Given my childhood one would think I would be the last person on the planet to have that trait – and yet I do.

Not to the point of me reeking with self-confidence. Oh no, because if I did my life would have turned out very differently. But to the point that I know ME. And I’m really confident in who I am. And that who I am is exactly right.

You know my “About Me” page – “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not YOU. A lot more will make sense after that.”

So all that Nature stuff that philosophers thru the ages have touted, and all those annoying positivity people keep throwing in people’s faces, just makes me twitch and pisses me off. Guess what world – some of us enjoy Nature from the inside of the window.

I’m stressed and itchy and twitchy. No I don’t want to go for a walk – anywhere. I don’t want to go outside. I certainly DON’T WANT to go for a walk in the park or the woods or even around the block. As much as I like walking I’ve always looked at it as transportation – a way to get myself from one place to another. Is it enjoyable? Sometimes, and sometimes it is just expedient. It is in no way soothing, unstressful or anything more positive than getting where I need to go. Period.

I learned the hard way that looking out my window and seeing sky and trees is a total necessity to my mental health and well-being. The operative phrase here is ‘looking out the window’. 

While I am obsessed with light, sunrises and sunsets don’t really interest me. One more photograph of a red sunset, oooh’d and ahh’d over leaves me ho-humming. Unless there is some incredible play of light, which there usually isn’t. Seen one sunset/sunrise, seen ’em all. (Inside joke there.)

Years ago, when I lived in New York City, a friend asked why I never got out of the city for a country weekend. I asked “Why would I? What does the country have that NYC doesn’t” Central Park was always enough ‘country’ for me.

And quiet? I treasure quiet. Do you not know how quiet a city can be? Spookily quiet. Comfortingly quiet. Safe and cozily quiet. The most amazing moments of peace for me was an early Sunday morning, after a snowstorm, standing in the middle of Park Avenue, no cars, no people, twinkle lights on the scraggly trees along the median. The world seemed to have stopped and I was the only one in it – Heaven! So brilliant that I can conjure the scene and the feeling even now.

My point? So many people are not as lucky as I. They look outward for clues and cues to who they should be. And they rarely come up with anything that makes them feel good about who they are. Who they really are. It sucks their self-confidence from their souls.

When you write about ‘everybody’ you are contributing to this soul-sucking. Because they think you know better because “everybody’.  I need the word ‘everybody‘ (and that includes ‘everyone’) to be stricken from the language. It pisses me off!

You want to talk about what brings you pleasure and joy! By all means, I’d really like to know.  But to insinuate that those things should bring me pleasure and joy? You might want to re-think that. Please re-think that. I won’t rain on your parade, don’t rain on mine.

Please make it about YOU. Your likes,dislikes, pleasures and joy. Yours. Not mine or anyone elses. Not everyone’s. Or everybody’s. YOURS.

I can appreciate without wanting or needing. I love your enthusiasms, please respect mine. We can learn from one another without embracing the other’s point of view.

There is no ‘one size fits all’. There is no one answer. But there is the one YOU.

I hate the phrase “You do you” – it drips with sarcasm and dismissiveness, at least that’s the way I hear it. But there is some truth to it – said kindly and sincerely.

Appreciate yourself. Trust what makes you happy. Even if it seems like no one else shares your happy. Because there IS someone else who does.

Why do we have our best ideas in the shower? I know I do. My best writing gets done in the shower.

18 thoughts on “I’m just lucky that way…

  1. And yet we don’t all have our best ideas in the shower. A shower functions to get my body moving again following a long night supine, sleeping or not, creating (ideas) or not. (Forbidden word) is not alike. (Please laugh with me, Grace; I’m having fun with this.)


    1. I had just deleted that “you do”, probably right after you read and commented, ’cause I’m pretty sure there are people who don’t and that is just what I was talking about! See how easy it is to use forbidden words. I was thoughtless when I wrote that but then when I wrote that several days ago I had a different topic in mind, I’m not laughing at myself about it, more like smacking myself in he head but you can! Well maybe I’m smirking a bit. Physician heal thyself or snarky Italian girl from da Bronx read what you wrote and follow your own advice.


    1. You absolutely do! You are so accomplished and creative 😍 And you know I love your forthrightness . I think we should do a road trip – we’d have a hoot of a time.


  2. Everyone should do what is best for them – be this walking in nature or looking out their windows at nature or just looking outside their windows at the world – but every one needs to do what is right for them. I get some of my best and better ideas whilst walking, but that’s not the same for many others.

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    1. I get my best ideas in the shower LOL What always irks me is blanket statements – all the wellness columns tell people “go out into nature, go for a walk” Well no that stresses me out…And that people doubt themselves and what they know about themselves. If the flavor of the day isn’t your favorite flavor, indeed you hate that flavor then for pete’s sake don’t drink the kool-aid! (Mixing my metaphors there I think…)

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      1. I am in the shower not as much as l used to be. One the energy drive most of us Brits now have to work, Suze and l only have two showers a week these days. I used to have ideas in the shower, now mostly either walking or digging compost ironically. I find switching off to the world and just doing something l enjoy rewards me the best.

        Many people are easily stressed when walking in nature. I was reading your other story about your Limo experience and that reminded me of my very late night walks in London in the 90’s. I would walk into the darker seedier area and was never given a hard time. So l could understand the driver’s reaction and yet had he chilled he would have been able to relax into the vibe.

        Of course 90’s London at night was still tamer than 2020 in London l should imagine. Later night walks used to award me a lot of serenity also like you could experience in NYC l should imagine 🙂

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        1. Can’t say I ever did a lot of night walking in NYC – it’s never been a smart thing to do. OTOH – I’ve not always done the smart thing. I do find the night time more comforting than the daytime. It’s cozy. The condo I live in is all utilities included so long showers are standard. We have grab bars in the shower and there have been times when I just leaned against the shower wall, held on to the grab bar and basically went to sleep! Showers just relax me, I could spend the day in there – endless hot water!

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          1. I hear that, the hot shower used to be one of my luxuries. Now l have two ten minute showers a week as the energy cost is rocketting.

            Twenty Minutes of showers is anout 20 pence. Not a lot, but 10p a shower x 2 people twice a week soon all adds up and that is how many households are having to work costs these days .


            Long showers are now a luxury lost.

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  3. Well said. It took me a long time, but I’m finally comfortable in my own skin as well. Which is a good thing because I doubt anyone else would be. You need the city, I need the country… neither one of us is wrong, and that’s a beautiful thing.

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    1. And yet, you appreciate the city vibe and I appreciate the country vibe – I WILL notice a sunrise more than a sunset and I love encountering animals. Oddly enough where I live now is a combination of city and suburb and the plethora of wild life we have here is amazing – small herds of deer, lots and lots of foxes meandering through backyards and along the Beltway , coyotes – name it we got except maybe moose – we ain’t got moose. We rarely get bears in NoVA but just a few miles away in Maryland they hang out in the exurbs…Nature is everywhere…The world is becoming a smaller and smaller place…

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