Category: Life

Idle Thoughts

Published on by Grace15 Comments

4:20am – I’ve been awake since 1:30a and up and about since 2:30-ish. Took care of some paperwork, had breakfast and a couple of cups of coffee. I would kill for a cigarette but we’ve quit again; I don’t really see the point, not at our age – like I told my doctor recently, “I’m 76 and I wasn’t planning on living forever.”

My entire left side is crap, common wisdom would suggest it should be my right side since I am right-handed and therefore my right side is considered my dominant side. But Nooo – not me. Everything that goes wrong in/on my body does so on my left side.  My left shoulder hurts, my left arm and elbow and wrist joint hurt, my left hip and my lower back, on the left side hurts…

I’m back sharing a bed and bedroom with my husband and the expensive mattress we bought 2 years ago is one of the causes of my aches – the mattress suits him and his comfort – it is hard as a block of concrete. I prefer a hybrid medium firm with the top layer being gel foam – Ahh, such a nice comfy mattress. Husband prefers a block of concrete covered with something just a tiny bit soft.

You know what’s the interesting thing – about a year and a half ago I began sleeping in my ‘office’ which also functioned as a guest room and had a single bed in it.  Mostly because of my husband’s snoring and other assorted sleep noises – I finally decided the only chance I had of getting a decent night’s sleep was to sleep in another room – with the door closed. They can hear my husband snore and snort in Cleveland!  Plus the new mattress was killing me.

Here’s the interesting thing – the night my husband had his seizure I had decided to sleep in the the master bedroom with him. Why? He hadn’t been feeling well and something just nagged at me so THAT night I decided,just for that night, to stay close.  If I hadn’t made that decision I would have been sleeping in another room with the door closed, as I usually did,  and never heard him; never known he had a seizure; never even checked on him till hours later when I got up for the day.

If I hadn’t changed my sleeping habits that one night I wonder what my situation would be today? That will always nag at me just a teeny tiny bit – I could be free right now – maybe.

Despite my crazy sleep schedule I am finally sleeping a bit more – I think I have no choice I’ve been falling asleep literally standing up – so I’m feeling a bit more rested. I’m still  brain dead by mid-afternoon but everyday I seem to have a bit more energy. Yes, I still walk into rooms intent on doing something and then can’t remember what – And no that is NOT a usual thing for me – a lot of me is falling apart but my brain is still in quite good shape. Physical fatigue is getting under control but mental fatigue is still with me. I’m not sure how one alleviates mental fatigue.

It’s now 5:15am and I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open – might be time for a little nap as soon as I get my husband set up in his recliner. He got up about 4:30am – he’s had his meds and his breakfast. He can safely navigate around the apartment now, which has taken a lot of the pressure off me but this morning he’s seems a bit more wobbly, I might just wait until he gets all his stuff moved across the room. Being a man, he thinks he can safely maneuver a trip across the room using a cane, carrying a cup of coffee and a book with only one good hand. Experience has shown that is not going to happen.

I should have gone back to bad when I had the chance, my eyes may be at half staff but my brain is in overdrive…I know that if I go back to bed now I will just flip and flop and by the afternoon I will be stumbling over my own feet and will probably wind up taking a nap, whether I want to or not,  which means when it’s time to go to bed for the night I won’t be sleepy and this crazy sleep cycle will just keep rolling on…

I Guess That’s Kinda True

Published on by Grace15 Comments

My husband watches tv in the morning, sometimes GMA sometimes The Today Show. I have to listen to this crap. This morning on The Today Show I overheard a book review, a portion of it went like this: ““There’s a curse set upon the grandmother of this family and therefore any of the women who come after her are not able to fall in love. In fact, the men that fall in love with them will die,” she continues.” (Source)

“What the hell?” I said “that sounds exactly like premise of “The Practical Magic” series. How could they publish that? That’s annoying”

“It doesn’t bother me” said my husband ” doesn’t annoy me at all”

“Well it annoys me” said I.

“Everything annoys you – eventually” was my husband’s comment.

And you know, he’s right. Eventually everything will annoy me including things that I, at first, liked, enjoyed, approved of.

I often say that I have the attention span of a two-year old. Perhaps that’s the basis of my fluctuating annoyance levels…

I’m so excited!

Published on by Grace19 Comments

When my husband became ill at the beginning of the year and I was totally overwhelmed with caring for him and having no family or support system here our daughter brought up that perhaps we should think about moving closer to her. I mentioned that I had been looking at CCRC’s here and she suggested looking in Vermont near her.

Then she brought up the possibility of she and her husband buying a house with an in-law suite. I LOVED that idea. We talked about the financing and that is not a problem since my husband and I could put down a substantial down payment and pay half the monthly mortgage amount or close to.

She and her husband own a home but it is way out there and the commute is a killer and they really want to move closer to Burlington.  We all like this idea – it’s a win-win for everyone plus of course having a built-in babysitter (me!)

With my husband’s diagnosis still in flux the whole project was put on hold. Well, my husband’s MRI came back with nothing to worry about so I immediately texted our daughter that if she still wants to do the house thing, health-wise it’s a go for us.

So the search is on! It’s gonna take a while but it seems we will be moving! Yay!

Granted Vermont is not my first choice of a place to live but Paris is out of the question and needs must. At our ages and health challenges we need some sort of support system. Since our daughter offered we would be fools not to take them up on it. I may be a lot of things but stupid isn’t one of them.

I’m so excited!

Here’s My New Anthem

Published on by Grace8 Comments

Never Gonna Not Dance Again written and performed by Pink

If someone told me that the world would end tonight
You could take all that I got, for once I wouldn’t start a fight (Yeah, right)
You could have my liquor, take my dinner, take my fun
My birthday cake, my soul, my dog, take everything I love

But, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance

I want my life to be a Whitney Houston song (I wanna dance)
I got all good luck and zero fucks, don’t care if I belong, no
If I could kill the thing that makes us all so dumb
We’re never getting younger, so I’m gonna have some fun

‘Cause, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die (I’ll lay down and die)
I’ll scream and I’ll cry (I’ll scream and I’ll cry)
Know that I’m starting a fight

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, yeah, d-d-d-dance

I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
You know that I’m starting a fight (Fight)
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again (Hey, hey)

Never gonna not dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again
Let the music play ’til the end (Hey)
I’m never gonna not dance again
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Let it play, yeah
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Come on, come on
(I’m never gonna not gonna dance again)
(So let the music play ’til the end)
Yeah, yeah
I’m never gonna not gonna dance again
So let the music play ’til the end
(Why’d it stop?)

 

Overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness (and a little glee)

Published on by Grace10 Comments

for having been born and brought up in New York City and having the father that I had.  New York City is the entire universe in 300.46 square miles. Thanks to my father I got to experience just about every square foot of it.

How do I keep this short and sweet? It all started this morning, with me being grumpy about some inconsequential shit on the internet that pissed me off and that I couldn’t let go of – ignorant yahoos.

But then I received a New York Times ‘newsletter’ in my email that featured a story about Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem. When I shared it with my husband his reaction was “meh” whereas I was blown away. This led to a discussion about music and the realization that because of where I grew up and with whom I grew up my views and tastes were more far ranging than my husband’s.

And that is due to my father.

I know of people who have lived for several generations in New York City and know jack-all about what’s there. So sad.

As soon as we were toilet trained and had acquired manners my father took us to every single museum in NYC.  Not just the art museums but the numismatic museum down on Wall Street, all sorts of museums covering every topic imaginable.  He took us to white-tablecloth restaurants; to the theater.

And yes to the zoo, the botanical gardens, the planetarium, the circus,the rodeo, the horse races, Yankee Stadium, Madison Square Garden – no type of sport was left out – we were introduced to it, if only as spectators.

At home we were surrounded by music of every form and format. And books – my father came from a family of readers – anything with print on it was perused.

Music? Oh my word – there was ALWAYS music. And NYC, being NYC, you could twirl your way around the radio dial and there was no music unrepresented. There was no culture unrepresented. There were radio stations that broadcast in languages other than English.

So much popular music originated in NYC – doo-wop, rap, beatbox, hip-hop – we heard it all first. Nothing was banned, nothing was off-limits. You only had to be curious enough to stop and listen.

Food? Oh hell do not tell me anything about food, just don’t. From the mundanity of mashed potatoes to haute cuisine – I ate it. And not the Americanized versions. The real deal.

It wasn’t just that you lived in a city with people of other cultures, you experienced their culture, and they yours because you were in and out of their homes. They were your friends and when we were young we took our differences for granted.

My parent’s friends – all my “Aunts” and “Uncles” – a veritable United Nations.

That’s how I grew up. As an adult my native curiosity took me farther and wider. I’m thinking I got my curiosity from my father –  it’s something people have commented on my whole life – my shrink said “You are the most curious person I have ever met”

How do you not wonder about the world that surrounds you especially when the world you live in is so diverse and strange and magical.

So, yes, right now feeling happy and bouncy and lucky and grateful that I had the father I had, growing up in the city I did and being blessed with a sense of curiosity that leads me down rabbit holes even Alice never dreamed of.

Let’s Revisit That

Published on by Grace7 Comments

“Positive negativity” – an oxymoron?  The reverse of toxic positivity?  I’ve never been sure why NOT liking something is viewed as a bad thing. Negativity is defined as “the characteristic of being pessimistic or contrarian”. Disagreeing with someone or something is also negativity. Why is this a bad thing? If no one ever disagreed or disliked we would still be living in caves eating raw meat with our hands!

Here is my declaration – Positive Negativity is a good thing. Feel free to have an opinion and not have to defend it, particularly if it’s a matter of personal taste.  Be Your Own Self for pete’s sake.  Adopt my motto “No thank you, none for me but you enjoy it”

I am not often clever, rarely am I clever, but I think I got off a good one in my answer to Ann‘s comment regarding her being irked by ‘influencers’. I likened influencers to Border Collies herding the sheep.  Pretty good, right? Or not, hey – I like it.

Rory asked an amusing question this morning – “Name 5 uses for a stapler other than stapling” I could only think of two – as a weapon or a paperweight. I think those are only valid if you have a stapler like I have – This stapler is approximately 53 years old, solid metal and it weighs a ton. Somehow I doubt a modern day stapler would be good for either of those uses. The only other stapler I have is a mini, made of plastic, and barely useful for even that.

This stapler was mine when I worked for Elgin National Industries back in the 1960’s/70’s. When the company closed we were ‘allowed’ to take odds and ends home. I took this stapler and an antique desk chair that came from the original Elgin Watch Company offices. Sadly, I no longer have the chair – it was a beauty. (The stickers on the stapler were my initials – GMT – the G and M have disappeared by the T is still there.)

BTW – the mug in the background holds my pens and pencils and says “Lives – Get One” I think it was a gift.

Talking about Ann – on her blog this morning she mentioned that she ‘stuffed manicotti’. I commented that you don’t stuff manicotti because they are crepes, and she probably made cannelloni, which is a tube of pasta you do stuff.  Ann is the only person I can say that to and not get a lot of grief. Which is why I love Ann.

In case you don’t know the difference I wrote about it HERE.

 

Transcribing my notebook

Published on by Grace6 Comments

Written sometime in 2013?

I was told that even as a infant I did not sleep at night. Neither did I cry.

I was told, that when I could move around some, I would be found at the foot of my crib, under the covers. As if I was hiding.

Later I learned, on my own, that indeed I was hiding. I wasn’t afraid of the dark, I was afraid of what hid in the dark.

x x x x x x

I love the dark, I love the night. I can hide in the dark and the night covers me.

But I still fear what comes in the night, the monsters under the bed.

I don’t like to sleep with a lot of covers. I tend to kick the covers off my feet and then dangle my feet over the edge of the bed. But not for long. I quickly pull my feet back because there are monsters hiding under my bed. Waiting to pull me down and under and then…

x x x x x x