Tag: Life Itself

Here’s My New Anthem

Published on by Grace8 Comments

Never Gonna Not Dance Again written and performed by Pink

If someone told me that the world would end tonight
You could take all that I got, for once I wouldn’t start a fight (Yeah, right)
You could have my liquor, take my dinner, take my fun
My birthday cake, my soul, my dog, take everything I love

But, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance

I want my life to be a Whitney Houston song (I wanna dance)
I got all good luck and zero fucks, don’t care if I belong, no
If I could kill the thing that makes us all so dumb
We’re never getting younger, so I’m gonna have some fun

‘Cause, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die (I’ll lay down and die)
I’ll scream and I’ll cry (I’ll scream and I’ll cry)
Know that I’m starting a fight

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, yeah, d-d-d-dance

I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
You know that I’m starting a fight (Fight)
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again (Hey, hey)

Never gonna not dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again
Let the music play ’til the end (Hey)
I’m never gonna not dance again
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Let it play, yeah
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Come on, come on
(I’m never gonna not gonna dance again)
(So let the music play ’til the end)
Yeah, yeah
I’m never gonna not gonna dance again
So let the music play ’til the end
(Why’d it stop?)

 

Overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness (and a little glee)

Published on by Grace10 Comments

for having been born and brought up in New York City and having the father that I had.  New York City is the entire universe in 300.46 square miles. Thanks to my father I got to experience just about every square foot of it.

How do I keep this short and sweet? It all started this morning, with me being grumpy about some inconsequential shit on the internet that pissed me off and that I couldn’t let go of – ignorant yahoos.

But then I received a New York Times ‘newsletter’ in my email that featured a story about Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem. When I shared it with my husband his reaction was “meh” whereas I was blown away. This led to a discussion about music and the realization that because of where I grew up and with whom I grew up my views and tastes were more far ranging than my husband’s.

And that is due to my father.

I know of people who have lived for several generations in New York City and know jack-all about what’s there. So sad.

As soon as we were toilet trained and had acquired manners my father took us to every single museum in NYC.  Not just the art museums but the numismatic museum down on Wall Street, all sorts of museums covering every topic imaginable.  He took us to white-tablecloth restaurants; to the theater.

And yes to the zoo, the botanical gardens, the planetarium, the circus,the rodeo, the horse races, Yankee Stadium, Madison Square Garden – no type of sport was left out – we were introduced to it, if only as spectators.

At home we were surrounded by music of every form and format. And books – my father came from a family of readers – anything with print on it was perused.

Music? Oh my word – there was ALWAYS music. And NYC, being NYC, you could twirl your way around the radio dial and there was no music unrepresented. There was no culture unrepresented. There were radio stations that broadcast in languages other than English.

So much popular music originated in NYC – doo-wop, rap, beatbox, hip-hop – we heard it all first. Nothing was banned, nothing was off-limits. You only had to be curious enough to stop and listen.

Food? Oh hell do not tell me anything about food, just don’t. From the mundanity of mashed potatoes to haute cuisine – I ate it. And not the Americanized versions. The real deal.

It wasn’t just that you lived in a city with people of other cultures, you experienced their culture, and they yours because you were in and out of their homes. They were your friends and when we were young we took our differences for granted.

My parent’s friends – all my “Aunts” and “Uncles” – a veritable United Nations.

That’s how I grew up. As an adult my native curiosity took me farther and wider. I’m thinking I got my curiosity from my father –  it’s something people have commented on my whole life – my shrink said “You are the most curious person I have ever met”

How do you not wonder about the world that surrounds you especially when the world you live in is so diverse and strange and magical.

So, yes, right now feeling happy and bouncy and lucky and grateful that I had the father I had, growing up in the city I did and being blessed with a sense of curiosity that leads me down rabbit holes even Alice never dreamed of.

Let’s Revisit That

Published on by Grace7 Comments

“Positive negativity” – an oxymoron?  The reverse of toxic positivity?  I’ve never been sure why NOT liking something is viewed as a bad thing. Negativity is defined as “the characteristic of being pessimistic or contrarian”. Disagreeing with someone or something is also negativity. Why is this a bad thing? If no one ever disagreed or disliked we would still be living in caves eating raw meat with our hands!

Here is my declaration – Positive Negativity is a good thing. Feel free to have an opinion and not have to defend it, particularly if it’s a matter of personal taste.  Be Your Own Self for pete’s sake.  Adopt my motto “No thank you, none for me but you enjoy it”

I am not often clever, rarely am I clever, but I think I got off a good one in my answer to Ann‘s comment regarding her being irked by ‘influencers’. I likened influencers to Border Collies herding the sheep.  Pretty good, right? Or not, hey – I like it.

Rory asked an amusing question this morning – “Name 5 uses for a stapler other than stapling” I could only think of two – as a weapon or a paperweight. I think those are only valid if you have a stapler like I have – This stapler is approximately 53 years old, solid metal and it weighs a ton. Somehow I doubt a modern day stapler would be good for either of those uses. The only other stapler I have is a mini, made of plastic, and barely useful for even that.

This stapler was mine when I worked for Elgin National Industries back in the 1960’s/70’s. When the company closed we were ‘allowed’ to take odds and ends home. I took this stapler and an antique desk chair that came from the original Elgin Watch Company offices. Sadly, I no longer have the chair – it was a beauty. (The stickers on the stapler were my initials – GMT – the G and M have disappeared by the T is still there.)

BTW – the mug in the background holds my pens and pencils and says “Lives – Get One” I think it was a gift.

Talking about Ann – on her blog this morning she mentioned that she ‘stuffed manicotti’. I commented that you don’t stuff manicotti because they are crepes, and she probably made cannelloni, which is a tube of pasta you do stuff.  Ann is the only person I can say that to and not get a lot of grief. Which is why I love Ann.

In case you don’t know the difference I wrote about it HERE.

 

I’m just lucky that way…

Published on by Grace18 Comments

While I was scrub-a-dubbing in the shower the other morning  my mind was swirling and  tossing with  my reaction to something I had just read. Then it coalesced into – No everybody doesn’t.

Everybody doesn’t need “Nature’ – to interact with, to be out in it. Everybody doesn’t find it soothing, or rejuvenating.

Everybody doesn’t like or need Everything.

What I’m lucky with is a strong sense of self. My psychotherapist friend commented on that aspect of me. Given my childhood one would think I would be the last person on the planet to have that trait – and yet I do.

Not to the point of me reeking with self-confidence. Oh no, because if I did my life would have turned out very differently. But to the point that I know ME. And I’m really confident in who I am. And that who I am is exactly right.

You know my “About Me” page – “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not YOU. A lot more will make sense after that.”

So all that Nature stuff that philosophers thru the ages have touted, and all those annoying positivity people keep throwing in people’s faces, just makes me twitch and pisses me off. Guess what world – some of us enjoy Nature from the inside of the window.

I’m stressed and itchy and twitchy. No I don’t want to go for a walk – anywhere. I don’t want to go outside. I certainly DON’T WANT to go for a walk in the park or the woods or even around the block. As much as I like walking I’ve always looked at it as transportation – a way to get myself from one place to another. Is it enjoyable? Sometimes, and sometimes it is just expedient. It is in no way soothing, unstressful or anything more positive than getting where I need to go. Period.

I learned the hard way that looking out my window and seeing sky and trees is a total necessity to my mental health and well-being. The operative phrase here is ‘looking out the window’. 

While I am obsessed with light, sunrises and sunsets don’t really interest me. One more photograph of a red sunset, oooh’d and ahh’d over leaves me ho-humming. Unless there is some incredible play of light, which there usually isn’t. Seen one sunset/sunrise, seen ’em all. (Inside joke there.)

Years ago, when I lived in New York City, a friend asked why I never got out of the city for a country weekend. I asked “Why would I? What does the country have that NYC doesn’t” Central Park was always enough ‘country’ for me.

And quiet? I treasure quiet. Do you not know how quiet a city can be? Spookily quiet. Comfortingly quiet. Safe and cozily quiet. The most amazing moments of peace for me was an early Sunday morning, after a snowstorm, standing in the middle of Park Avenue, no cars, no people, twinkle lights on the scraggly trees along the median. The world seemed to have stopped and I was the only one in it – Heaven! So brilliant that I can conjure the scene and the feeling even now.

My point? So many people are not as lucky as I. They look outward for clues and cues to who they should be. And they rarely come up with anything that makes them feel good about who they are. Who they really are. It sucks their self-confidence from their souls.

When you write about ‘everybody’ you are contributing to this soul-sucking. Because they think you know better because “everybody’.  I need the word ‘everybody‘ (and that includes ‘everyone’) to be stricken from the language. It pisses me off!

You want to talk about what brings you pleasure and joy! By all means, I’d really like to know.  But to insinuate that those things should bring me pleasure and joy? You might want to re-think that. Please re-think that. I won’t rain on your parade, don’t rain on mine.

Please make it about YOU. Your likes,dislikes, pleasures and joy. Yours. Not mine or anyone elses. Not everyone’s. Or everybody’s. YOURS.

I can appreciate without wanting or needing. I love your enthusiasms, please respect mine. We can learn from one another without embracing the other’s point of view.

There is no ‘one size fits all’. There is no one answer. But there is the one YOU.

I hate the phrase “You do you” – it drips with sarcasm and dismissiveness, at least that’s the way I hear it. But there is some truth to it – said kindly and sincerely.

Appreciate yourself. Trust what makes you happy. Even if it seems like no one else shares your happy. Because there IS someone else who does.

Why do we have our best ideas in the shower? I know I do. My best writing gets done in the shower.

What I’ve Learned

Published on by Grace4 Comments

To put it simply – Don’t sweat the small stuff. To put it more elegantly – Grant others and myself, Grace.

Should you not be religiously inclined it also means mercy and pardon. It also means “disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency”.  I like this explanation best “To me, grace is both a noun and a verb—a feeling and an action. It can be interchanged with giving someone: a chance, time, the ability to make mistakes without punishment, and forgiveness.”  (Source)

This may be the hardest part of extending Grace –  “Showing grace to others is about showing kindness even when they don’t deserve it.” (9 Ways to extend Grace to Others.)

Giving someone Grace is to extend unconditional forgiveness.

I have written about forgiveness, , a concept I don’t quite understand. I understand what it is to forgive a monetary debt – the debt is wiped out – the person owes nothing. To forgive a hurt – well, that is something else. Someone acted in a certain negative way towards you, you were harmed.  That person is responsible for their actions, you have no control over another’s actions therefore you cannot forgive their actions or the results thereof. The only person you can forgive is yourself for your actions.

While my husband was in the hospital I blew my top at several people. I was angry at the lies I was told, the ineptitude of the doctors and I more than once made a scene the way only an overtired, worried Italian girl from the Bronx can.

After several days at the nursing home I came to being able to extend Grace. I did it without forethought. It just came over me and became how I was. Perhaps it was The Universe extending Grace to me.

That’s where ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ comes in. I couldn’t get angry over what I could not control. I saw – really saw – how hard people were working, doing much with little. I felt such warmth towards these people. It calmed me. I could not be angry or upset with them.

This may sound strange to you who know me as a grumpy old lady, hot-tempered, cynical, an angry old lady (or even the angry young woman I was). I shall continue to get ‘hot under the collar’ about the state of the world and its injustices and stupidity but I don’t think I will extend that towards the people and things that happen in MY life every day. Nor do I think I will be beating myself up for being a flawed human being.  All I can ask of myself and others is to try and do better.

             ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

The Universe at work  – Yesterday I saw in my stats that someone had been scrolling around my blog and one of the posts they read was from 2019 when I wrote about taking care of husband after he had fractured his leg – ‘8 days after surgery, 6th day at home – What I have learned”– reading it reminded me that my current situation is not my first rodeo and I will cope, I will survive and it will get better. The Universe sending me comfort and encouragement. Thank you, I needed that.

There is ego and then there is ego…

Published on by Grace19 Comments

After 20 days of restless nights of 2 to 5 hours of sleep, barely eating and sometimes going 24 hours or more without food, taking care of my husband in the hospital and then in the rehab hospital (they should have paid ME for doing the work of the CNA’s and aides), extreme worry, anxiety and tears (oh so many tears) and pushing for information and care for my husband, this is what I look like –

We escaped the rehab SNF aka nursing home on Friday (today is Saturday), been home for about 24 hours and my husband is doing better already. Me, oh maybe a little bit.

Last night we went to bed at 11pm and got up this morning at 8am. I only got up twice during the night to help him use the urinal. We facetimed with our daughter last night and I said I looked like shit-on-a-stick and she said “No, you look fine.”  She is a kind lady.

I feel as bad as I look but – we are home! So I can take a break and rest in comfort when I need to. Obviously since my husband can’t navigate on his own, I have to help him to move from bed to chair to bathroom and back. If he needs or wants anything I have to get it – I should have one of those step measuring thingies – I’m willing to bet over the last 20 days I’ve more than met the daily 10,000 steps goal.

I have nothing to prove so I go slowly, I rest as often as I need to, the dishes can wait until I have the energy. I do one thing at a time instead of my usual multi-tasking. I will not attend to paperwork until my brain is working again LOL

This morning the toilet adapter was delivered, I put that together and then discovered my husband would not be able to maneuver his walker into the bathroom, so I took the door off the bathroom and put it in the storage unit. Luckily our storage unit is only across the hall from our apartment.

I’m spending a small fortune on Amazon getting things to make him more comfortable and possibly easier for me. We already had a walker, shower chair and urinals from when he fractured his leg 4 years ago. I’m used to this but I’m 4 years older.

Plus – I now have to prepare 3 meals  a day – this is the most onerous of all the things I have to do. Empty his urinal – no problem. Wipe his butt – no problem. Bathe him, help him dress, fetch and serve – No Problem. Fix 3 meals a day – Big Problem! LOL

I’ve got more to tell you but it can wait for later.