Pensées du jour

I’m a bit tired of fighting with frying pans. You know that brand of cookware I mentioned, Hexclad, well, dear reader I bought them.  On the website and on Amazon 3 saute pans with lids are $399. But  while reading (even more) reviews I discovered that Costco also sells them. Popping over to Costco’s website I discovered they had – On Sale – a 7 piece set for $349. Now who could resist that, not me obviously.

I don’t buy shoes, purses, clothes, jewelry, we don’t eat out, we don’t drink – hell, a little indulgence to make an onerous task easier I can justify that.

While hardly a pollyanna, and far from being one of those positivity people, I often can see the upside to the downside.  My husband’s recent lengthy hospital stay, with me at the hospital 10 to 14 hours a day, certainly upset our self-defined schedules. Or rather my husband’s schedules that I had to follow because even tho I was always the one doing the work he had set the schedule.

Such as – laundry on Monday and Friday morning. Several times I did the laundry in the afternoon and he got all twitchy about it. He had no hand in doing the laundry why would be care when it gets done? Yet – he did care. It bothered him when I changed the schedule. Same goes for vacuuming, grocery shopping, changing bed linens, washing dishes – the list goes on. He never did any of these things – why did he care so much when they got done? I asked him, he said he doesn’t know, it just does.

Those schedules are all trashed now. Being at the hospital for so many hours, things got done when I had ‘early’ days; some things didn’t get done for weeks; dishes stayed in the sink overnight – I just didn’t have the energy or the time for arbitrary schedules.

Since he’s been home – I still don’t have the energy and the schedules have been tossed.

Meds and exercises on schedule? Of course. Laundry? No.  Everything gets done but – when it needs to be done; when I feel like it. And my own crazy obsessive habits? Some of them have bitten the dust too. I would never leave dishes in the sink or the drainboard overnight – not even a spoon. Now? Who cares. Not me…

What a wonderful upside to a dreadful downside!

 

Here’s My New Anthem

Never Gonna Not Dance Again written and performed by Pink

If someone told me that the world would end tonight
You could take all that I got, for once I wouldn’t start a fight (Yeah, right)
You could have my liquor, take my dinner, take my fun
My birthday cake, my soul, my dog, take everything I love

But, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance

I want my life to be a Whitney Houston song (I wanna dance)
I got all good luck and zero fucks, don’t care if I belong, no
If I could kill the thing that makes us all so dumb
We’re never getting younger, so I’m gonna have some fun

‘Cause, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do
Is throw away my dancing shoes
And, oh, Lord, don’t try me, really, not tonight
I’ll lay down and die (I’ll lay down and die)
I’ll scream and I’ll cry (I’ll scream and I’ll cry)
Know that I’m starting a fight

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, bruh
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance
D-d-d-dance, I’m gonna dance, yeah, d-d-d-dance

I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
You know that I’m starting a fight (Fight)
I’ll lay down and die, I’ll scream and I’ll cry
We’ve already wasted enough time
We’ve already wasted enough time

[Chorus]
I’m never gonna not dance again
I’m never gonna not dance again
Oh, I just wanna pop and lock to my records
There go all of my clothes
Never gonna not dance again (Hey, hey)

Never gonna not dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again
Let the music play ’til the end (Hey)
I’m never gonna not dance again
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Let it play, yeah
Dance again (Never gonna not dance again)
Dance again (Let the music play ’til the end)
Come on, come on
(I’m never gonna not gonna dance again)
(So let the music play ’til the end)
Yeah, yeah
I’m never gonna not gonna dance again
So let the music play ’til the end
(Why’d it stop?)

 

Let’s Revisit That

“Positive negativity” – an oxymoron?  The reverse of toxic positivity?  I’ve never been sure why NOT liking something is viewed as a bad thing. Negativity is defined as “the characteristic of being pessimistic or contrarian”. Disagreeing with someone or something is also negativity. Why is this a bad thing? If no one ever disagreed or disliked we would still be living in caves eating raw meat with our hands!

Here is my declaration – Positive Negativity is a good thing. Feel free to have an opinion and not have to defend it, particularly if it’s a matter of personal taste.  Be Your Own Self for pete’s sake.  Adopt my motto “No thank you, none for me but you enjoy it”

I am not often clever, rarely am I clever, but I think I got off a good one in my answer to Ann‘s comment regarding her being irked by ‘influencers’. I likened influencers to Border Collies herding the sheep.  Pretty good, right? Or not, hey – I like it.

Rory asked an amusing question this morning – “Name 5 uses for a stapler other than stapling” I could only think of two – as a weapon or a paperweight. I think those are only valid if you have a stapler like I have – This stapler is approximately 53 years old, solid metal and it weighs a ton. Somehow I doubt a modern day stapler would be good for either of those uses. The only other stapler I have is a mini, made of plastic, and barely useful for even that.

This stapler was mine when I worked for Elgin National Industries back in the 1960’s/70’s. When the company closed we were ‘allowed’ to take odds and ends home. I took this stapler and an antique desk chair that came from the original Elgin Watch Company offices. Sadly, I no longer have the chair – it was a beauty. (The stickers on the stapler were my initials – GMT – the G and M have disappeared by the T is still there.)

BTW – the mug in the background holds my pens and pencils and says “Lives – Get One” I think it was a gift.

Talking about Ann – on her blog this morning she mentioned that she ‘stuffed manicotti’. I commented that you don’t stuff manicotti because they are crepes, and she probably made cannelloni, which is a tube of pasta you do stuff.  Ann is the only person I can say that to and not get a lot of grief. Which is why I love Ann.

In case you don’t know the difference I wrote about it HERE.

 

Miscellaneous Mishegoss

Caveat: I’m not criticizing. I’m not in it for an argument. This is about ME. But, if you choose to comment, I’d love to know what seemingly popular things in any of the categories I touch upon, YOU don’t like.  Or anything in any category of popular culture that irks you.

~ This morning’s shower mental meanderings centered on home decor items I really, really don’t like, or that I don’t understand.  What I don’t like? Stainless steel appliances; Shaker style cabinets especially in white. The kitchen has to be the messiest room in the house why oh why would you have white as the predominant color? And Shaker style cabinets – once the smutz gets in those corners good luck getting it out – even with a toothbrush. My days of cleaning anything with a toothbrush, aside from teeth, are over.  I had a bathroom vanity with Shaker style doors – there was always smutz in the corners.  I got rid of the vanity I hated it so much.

~ I should not even talk about throw pillows, that has been such a long standing joke between me and the rest of the world it’s not worth mentioning any more.

~ I am always amused, and bemused, by folks who decorate for holidays or seasons. Most of the time it is really pretty. I am in awe of the effort folks put into it, just collecting and coordinating the appropriate decor. Obviously it makes them happy but I don’t understand it.  Could be I just think of it as clutter, or that I am simply not creative (which I’m not).

~ I don’t understand open floor plans. I do not want my kitchen in my living room. Even when I lived in a studio apartment the kitchen was walled off. In my apartment I have an L-shaped living room/dining area. This is okay, I don’t mind. It has its pluses – that seemingly all important socializing aspect. I get that. But – I still do not want to sit on the sofa and be staring at pots and pans.

~ Speaking of pots and pans – I’ve always had small kitchens yet I have never been inclined to hang pots and pans from the ceiling. I don’t consider them decor!  Oh hell I don’t consider anything decor – such a prissy word.

~ Also about pots and pans – I hate to cook; I’m 76 years old and I am so wanting new pots and pans.  The ones I’m wanting are super expensive but they have me itchy and twitchy with gimme, gimme.

~ I’ve got the attention span of a 2-year old. The official name of this blog, for the moment, is “Subject to Change Without Notice” . I change the header frequently because, well, just because. There is always something that catches my fancy and either makes me bounce in my chair or tugs at my heartstrings (Awww…) I’ve changed blog names/urls so many times in the past 20 years it’s a wonder anyone even knows how to find me. Why they want to find me is also a good question.

The last big url change was because I had a stalker, someone I know and who I try to avoid at all costs. In retrospect I am kicking myself for allowing anyone to make me jump through hoops to avoid them. But I actually fear this person. Even so – I’m too damn old to let fear impact my actions about something as inconsequential as a blog. That nobody reads. Really disappointed in myself about that.

~ I edit and edit and edit. And correct. Yesterday David made a comment about something in the post that I was  correcting even as he was commenting. If anyone reads the comments they might be scratching their heads as to what that is about.  I don’t often go back and read old posts because I know I will go into edit mode. At the very least to correct typos because I am the world’s worst typist.

~ No, I don’t like “Ted Lasso”.  My husband and I watched about 10 minutes of the show, looked at each and said “What the hell???” and turned it off.  I was actually criticized for not liking the show and the person said “Really, you can tell after only 10 minutes you don’t like something?” Well, yes I can. And I do. Movies I’ll give 20 minutes, tv shows 10 or 15 minutes, max, and that depends on whether it’s an hour or a half hour show.

Take the The ‘Knives Out’ franchise for example.  I didn’t like the first one and I didn’t like the second one. Why the hell I even wasted 20 minutes on the second one is beyond me. But hope springs eternal.  Both movies were highly touted by the professional critics. I have learned that anything professional critics like, I won’t.

Oh hell, I started this late and I have chores awaiting me – gotta run.

Yes – please let me know what popular ‘thing’ irks you. Let’s have a little positive negativity here. Go for it!

I’m just lucky that way…

While I was scrub-a-dubbing in the shower the other morning  my mind was swirling and  tossing with  my reaction to something I had just read. Then it coalesced into – No everybody doesn’t.

Everybody doesn’t need “Nature’ – to interact with, to be out in it. Everybody doesn’t find it soothing, or rejuvenating.

Everybody doesn’t like or need Everything.

What I’m lucky with is a strong sense of self. My psychotherapist friend commented on that aspect of me. Given my childhood one would think I would be the last person on the planet to have that trait – and yet I do.

Not to the point of me reeking with self-confidence. Oh no, because if I did my life would have turned out very differently. But to the point that I know ME. And I’m really confident in who I am. And that who I am is exactly right.

You know my “About Me” page – “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not YOU. A lot more will make sense after that.”

So all that Nature stuff that philosophers thru the ages have touted, and all those annoying positivity people keep throwing in people’s faces, just makes me twitch and pisses me off. Guess what world – some of us enjoy Nature from the inside of the window.

I’m stressed and itchy and twitchy. No I don’t want to go for a walk – anywhere. I don’t want to go outside. I certainly DON’T WANT to go for a walk in the park or the woods or even around the block. As much as I like walking I’ve always looked at it as transportation – a way to get myself from one place to another. Is it enjoyable? Sometimes, and sometimes it is just expedient. It is in no way soothing, unstressful or anything more positive than getting where I need to go. Period.

I learned the hard way that looking out my window and seeing sky and trees is a total necessity to my mental health and well-being. The operative phrase here is ‘looking out the window’. 

While I am obsessed with light, sunrises and sunsets don’t really interest me. One more photograph of a red sunset, oooh’d and ahh’d over leaves me ho-humming. Unless there is some incredible play of light, which there usually isn’t. Seen one sunset/sunrise, seen ’em all. (Inside joke there.)

Years ago, when I lived in New York City, a friend asked why I never got out of the city for a country weekend. I asked “Why would I? What does the country have that NYC doesn’t” Central Park was always enough ‘country’ for me.

And quiet? I treasure quiet. Do you not know how quiet a city can be? Spookily quiet. Comfortingly quiet. Safe and cozily quiet. The most amazing moments of peace for me was an early Sunday morning, after a snowstorm, standing in the middle of Park Avenue, no cars, no people, twinkle lights on the scraggly trees along the median. The world seemed to have stopped and I was the only one in it – Heaven! So brilliant that I can conjure the scene and the feeling even now.

My point? So many people are not as lucky as I. They look outward for clues and cues to who they should be. And they rarely come up with anything that makes them feel good about who they are. Who they really are. It sucks their self-confidence from their souls.

When you write about ‘everybody’ you are contributing to this soul-sucking. Because they think you know better because “everybody’.  I need the word ‘everybody‘ (and that includes ‘everyone’) to be stricken from the language. It pisses me off!

You want to talk about what brings you pleasure and joy! By all means, I’d really like to know.  But to insinuate that those things should bring me pleasure and joy? You might want to re-think that. Please re-think that. I won’t rain on your parade, don’t rain on mine.

Please make it about YOU. Your likes,dislikes, pleasures and joy. Yours. Not mine or anyone elses. Not everyone’s. Or everybody’s. YOURS.

I can appreciate without wanting or needing. I love your enthusiasms, please respect mine. We can learn from one another without embracing the other’s point of view.

There is no ‘one size fits all’. There is no one answer. But there is the one YOU.

I hate the phrase “You do you” – it drips with sarcasm and dismissiveness, at least that’s the way I hear it. But there is some truth to it – said kindly and sincerely.

Appreciate yourself. Trust what makes you happy. Even if it seems like no one else shares your happy. Because there IS someone else who does.

Why do we have our best ideas in the shower? I know I do. My best writing gets done in the shower.

If you talk about it you jinx it…

Yesterday I mentioned that I was logging some good sleeping then last night I hardly slept at all. And for no discernable reason. Today is Tuesday – nothing going on I could sleep as long as I wanted, so no anxiety about the upcoming day.  The room was neither too hot nor too cold. Aside from one major coughing attack on my husband’s part, all was quiet. The coughing attack didn’t wake me, I was on a bathroom break. I just flipped and flopped and tossed and turned and occupied my mind with nonsense.

As in: I have to retype my internet password chart, well not actually retype it, edit it, add new, delete old. I was also enjoying the feel of the sheets. Sheets are changed on Sunday afternoon, so by Monday night they are still feeling all crisp and lovely.  I was really enjoying the sheets and mentally writing a post extolling their virtues. This activity actually made me happy. Eventually I fell asleep, was out of bed by a little after 7am. All good.

Except – the coffee was dreadful. Really nasty. It was a new bag that my husband had opened yesterday. I made another pot, using the same bag of coffee, got the same results. I do not know why I thought only some of the coffee would be bad. I opened another bag, same thing. I opened the other 3 bags of coffee – all rancid. We buy coffee from Amazon, 5 –  18 ounce bags a month on a subscribe and save deal. Amazon won’t allow me to return the coffee and they won’t refund my $90. You know I am pissed plus my husband just stopped working and I can’t afford to be throwing $90 down the drain. (Edit: Lisa’s comment inspired me to have another go at Amazon Customer Service. Finally ‘spoke’ to another chat bot, no I don’t really think they are real people and received a refund! Yay!)

I took a 2.5  hour break – made lunch, ate lunch, cleaned up lunch dishes, made a cake, cleaned up kitchen again and here I am.

I read something this morning that annoyed me and I was gonna say something but that would make me as bad as them, so mouth shut. First world problems, people, first world problems.

I cut my hair this morning too. Nice and super short and I feel so much better. I look in the mirror and I recognize the person I see. So weird how I can’t imagine myself as I once was – all stylish in my own odd way.

I still have half a day ahead of me – it’s not even 2:30pm perhaps I’ll read for a bit, or do some more house work, I’d say I’ll take a nap but I’m not sleepy. I’m a little antsy..