I’m just lucky that way…

While I was scrub-a-dubbing in the shower the other morning  my mind was swirling and  tossing with  my reaction to something I had just read. Then it coalesced into – No everybody doesn’t.

Everybody doesn’t need “Nature’ – to interact with, to be out in it. Everybody doesn’t find it soothing, or rejuvenating.

Everybody doesn’t like or need Everything.

What I’m lucky with is a strong sense of self. My psychotherapist friend commented on that aspect of me. Given my childhood one would think I would be the last person on the planet to have that trait – and yet I do.

Not to the point of me reeking with self-confidence. Oh no, because if I did my life would have turned out very differently. But to the point that I know ME. And I’m really confident in who I am. And that who I am is exactly right.

You know my “About Me” page – “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not YOU. A lot more will make sense after that.”

So all that Nature stuff that philosophers thru the ages have touted, and all those annoying positivity people keep throwing in people’s faces, just makes me twitch and pisses me off. Guess what world – some of us enjoy Nature from the inside of the window.

I’m stressed and itchy and twitchy. No I don’t want to go for a walk – anywhere. I don’t want to go outside. I certainly DON’T WANT to go for a walk in the park or the woods or even around the block. As much as I like walking I’ve always looked at it as transportation – a way to get myself from one place to another. Is it enjoyable? Sometimes, and sometimes it is just expedient. It is in no way soothing, unstressful or anything more positive than getting where I need to go. Period.

I learned the hard way that looking out my window and seeing sky and trees is a total necessity to my mental health and well-being. The operative phrase here is ‘looking out the window’. 

While I am obsessed with light, sunrises and sunsets don’t really interest me. One more photograph of a red sunset, oooh’d and ahh’d over leaves me ho-humming. Unless there is some incredible play of light, which there usually isn’t. Seen one sunset/sunrise, seen ’em all. (Inside joke there.)

Years ago, when I lived in New York City, a friend asked why I never got out of the city for a country weekend. I asked “Why would I? What does the country have that NYC doesn’t” Central Park was always enough ‘country’ for me.

And quiet? I treasure quiet. Do you not know how quiet a city can be? Spookily quiet. Comfortingly quiet. Safe and cozily quiet. The most amazing moments of peace for me was an early Sunday morning, after a snowstorm, standing in the middle of Park Avenue, no cars, no people, twinkle lights on the scraggly trees along the median. The world seemed to have stopped and I was the only one in it – Heaven! So brilliant that I can conjure the scene and the feeling even now.

My point? So many people are not as lucky as I. They look outward for clues and cues to who they should be. And they rarely come up with anything that makes them feel good about who they are. Who they really are. It sucks their self-confidence from their souls.

When you write about ‘everybody’ you are contributing to this soul-sucking. Because they think you know better because “everybody’.  I need the word ‘everybody‘ (and that includes ‘everyone’) to be stricken from the language. It pisses me off!

You want to talk about what brings you pleasure and joy! By all means, I’d really like to know.  But to insinuate that those things should bring me pleasure and joy? You might want to re-think that. Please re-think that. I won’t rain on your parade, don’t rain on mine.

Please make it about YOU. Your likes,dislikes, pleasures and joy. Yours. Not mine or anyone elses. Not everyone’s. Or everybody’s. YOURS.

I can appreciate without wanting or needing. I love your enthusiasms, please respect mine. We can learn from one another without embracing the other’s point of view.

There is no ‘one size fits all’. There is no one answer. But there is the one YOU.

I hate the phrase “You do you” – it drips with sarcasm and dismissiveness, at least that’s the way I hear it. But there is some truth to it – said kindly and sincerely.

Appreciate yourself. Trust what makes you happy. Even if it seems like no one else shares your happy. Because there IS someone else who does.

Why do we have our best ideas in the shower? I know I do. My best writing gets done in the shower.

Where Do I Start?

I need a new phone or a new small camera. My Powershot is shot – it is minimally 10 years old and it won’t even turn on. I bought a new battery – no deal. I have an iPhone XR and the camera on this is nothing to write home about. I do have a big Nikon but I’m paranoid about wandering around the neighborhood with it.

Crap photo from today’s walk…

I did walk in a different direction today hoping to find some of the cool Halloween decorations and this neighborhood has disappointed me again. This is the best they can come up with.  This neighborhood has done better in years past. I dug up this little movie from my files – 2017 – (sound on – cute song).

Now then, the walking part. I’ve known for a long time that running/jogging on concrete is detrimental to your health but the older and feebler I get I realize walking on concrete is no joy either. I walk around the apartment, the building, the supermarket – no problems, no pain. No huffing and puffing.  Hell, sometimes I even skip and run in the supermarket with no ill effects. But man, walking around the block slays me.

Now for some Shitz and Giggles –

Some coward aka Anonymous posted a snarky comment on yesterday’s post. I don’t mind the comment, as snark goes it’s not much. According to the IP address it came from Charter Communications ➜ Spectrum ➜ USA ➜ Missouri ➜ St. Louis.

Now if you want to comment you have to put in your name and email. If that’s a problem for anyone let me know.  If you’re a friend then you have my email address. If you’re a stranger, I guess you can comply or stay a stranger.

Also too – I had a widget in the footer that connected to my IG account. Someone clicked through on that. Which is nice (I guess) but I have removed it. It was dumb. If you do noodle around IG and want to find me, I’m @justtawkin. (I’m so creative with the names.)

I think that’s it for me today. No walking tomorrow it’s gonna rain (for a change). Oh wait, one more thing about the walking stuff. I bought a pedometer and today I walked for 17 minutes, 0.81 miles, 1996 steps (give or take since I didn’t program in my exact stride).  I don’t know if that’s good or bad for a crippled old woman but statistics are fun!

It’s a sunny 72…

The weather has been really beautiful so I’ve been trying to go outside for a walk – so boring. So very, very boring.

I tried listening to music but that only distracted me and I almost did a couple of whoopsies.  The sidewalks, where there are sidewalks, are not in the best of conditions. And neither am I.  Bad back, back knees, bad heart – just sucks whatever pleasure one might get out of a stroll.

I was going to go off in another direction today because I know there are some houses that go bonkers with the Halloween decorations but those blocks have no place to rest so I did the same circuit as usual and this was the best I could find – I’m thinking these people, both on the same block, got a volume discount –